


Trust

by Saurynn



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Erwin is hung like a horse, Extremely Dubious Consent, Fluff, Light Choking, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Size Difference, Top Erwin Smith, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:55:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22973629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saurynn/pseuds/Saurynn
Summary: on a night that Erwin is losing grip with his humanity, he confesses to having inappropriate thoughts about Levi.Levi is shocked by this confession and that Erwin would get forceful with him, but before long, he is forced to acknowledge that he might not actually hate it.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 25
Kudos: 355





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Unrelated to my Striking Deals series, even though it has similar themes. This was originally going to be for the #EruriValentines event on Twitter, but then I decided it was a little too dark for Valentines day and wrote a sweeter, yet similar, story for it. You can find that on my Twitter @Saurynn 
> 
> In this fic, we're going under the premise that homosexuality isn't talked about or accepted in the SnK universe. Also, in this one, Levi is a virgin and doesn't realize yet that he's gay for Erwin. This will get a little dark, but I tried to balance it out with fluff. I'm sorry in advance.

Levi turns over in his bed. He’s lost track of how many times he’s done that tonight. Each time, he hopes he will finally be able to drift off, but he just can’t force himself to sleep. Something feels off.

Mindful of his sleeping comrades, Levi lets out a quiet sigh and slips out of his bunk. After a long day of death and screaming, the silence is just too much. As he heads for the door, he glances at the empty bunk beside his. So many didn’t make it back from the day’s expedition.

He closes the door behind him with a soft click and makes his way down the hall, no destination in mind yet. He turns the corner and stops. At the end of the hall, a door lets light shine through beneath it. It’s Erwin’s door. 

Levi hesitates. Was this the source of his bad feeling? Should he check in on Erwin, possibly disturbing him at this hour? Levi clicks his tongue. He should chew Erwin out for wasting lamp oil, he convinces himself of his very sound reasoning for going to the door. 

Before he can back out, Levi gives a soft knock. He waits, and he begins to think Erwin fell asleep with the light on, but then the door slowly creaks open. For some reason, it sets Levi on edge and his heart rate picks up as he takes in the sight of his disheveled commander. 

Erwin has discarded his uniform jacket as well as most of the harness straps, but he has yet to fully change into his night clothes. His white dress shirt is partly unbuttoned and coming untucked from his pants in places. His hair, which is normally perfectly slicked back even in the midst of battle, is in disarray. But it’s Erwin’s face which holds Levi’s attention.

Levi’s seen Erwin wear many faces. He’s seen him with an expression of half-faked confidence leading soldiers to their death, seen the determination in his eyes each time they leave the gates of wall Maria. He’s seen the man with a crazed look in his eye fighting the titans. But never before now has Levi thought that he did not look human. The coldness of Erwin’s blue eyes as he looks down at Levi standing in the cracked doorway reminds Levi of a predator, starved, spotting its prey. It is a clear warning that Levi should leave..pretend he never witnessed Erwin at his lowest. 

Yet, he stays when Erwin invites him in with a quiet voice imitating human speech. Call it curiosity. Call it loyalty. Death has many names. 

Erwin leads him into his office. As he enters, Levi eyes the door to the commander’s private chambers and wonders if Erwin had even attempted sleep tonight. Erwin gestures for Levi to take a seat on the sofa and circles his desk to sit in front of a rather large stack of paperwork. Accounting for the deceased, Levi realizes. Yeah, they lost a lot this time, but surely the paperwork shouldn’t take this long.

As he thinks this, Erwin sits, chin on his interlaced hands, and stares at the stack of paper. There’s an unreadable expression where normally, guilt should lie. Or regret, or pain, or any emotion someone in Erwin’s position would normally feel. Levi wonders if Erwin is numb or if it’s all finally become too much and he’s on the verge of breaking.

Instead of taking the offered seat, Levi pulls up a chair to the desk and takes half of the stack, borrowing a spare pen. He sets to work, and when Erwin still hasn’t moved after a moment, Levi speaks up. “Come on, I don’t want this to take all night.”

Erwin stares at him. “...This is my job.”

“Then do it,” Levi jabs.

Finally, after staring blankly for a moment longer, Erwin relents and picks up his pen. Levi hasn’t filled out this kind of form before, but it isn’t difficult to figure out on his own. About twenty minutes go by in silence besides the scratching of their pens.

Levi is slow to notice when the other pen stops moving. When he does, he looks up to find Erwin staring at him. 

“What is it?” Levi’s voice is small. He doesn’t like the look in Erwin’s eye. 

“Do you think I’m a monster?”

Levi’s eyes widen. His pulse skips. He forces words out of his constricting throat. “You think I’d be sitting here if I did?” He almost sounds natural.

“You’re trembling, Levi.”

“Because you’re scaring me.”

“... I see.” Erwin’s eyes somehow darken further.

No, that’s all wrong. Levi isn’t scared of Erwin. He’s scared of what Erwin might do if left alone tonight.

Levi stands, masking that fear and leaning over the desk to get in Erwin’s face as he growls, “Hey, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you’re not a monster. Trust me. I’ve met real monsters, outside the walls and inside them. You think I follow you for this kind of destructive thinking? Get a hold of yourself.”

As Levi goes off, Erwin slowly rises from underneath Levi’s glare until he’s towering over him. “You think you know me? You think you know what goes on in my head? You’d be appalled by some of the things I’ve thought about when sending men to their deaths. What would you say if I told you I barely feel remorse anymore?” Erwin advances, rounding the table, but Levi refuses to back down. He holds his ground, merely pushing off the desk to stand up straight as Erwin circles behind him, listing off some of the troubling thoughts he’s had. And then he stops. 

Levi’s hair stands up on the back of his neck as Erwin pauses his list of confessions. His voice comes again, quieter this time, but closer than before. 

“What would you do if you knew some of the thoughts I’ve had about you?”

Levi doesn’t know how to take those words. There’s the obvious answer, made clear by Erwin’s tone… but directed at Levi? That can’t be right. Surely he is mistaken.

Then there are hands on him. One is on his chest. The other trails up, tracing his neck. Levi is frozen in shock as he’s pulled backwards into a large, firm body. He tries to speak, but he chokes on his own disbelief and nothing intelligent comes out.

Erwin’s voice drops impossibly low as he whispers in Levi’s ear. “I want you.”

Something in him snaps and Levi decides he’s had enough. He shoves backwards, forcing Erwin to release him. “What’s  _ wrong  _ with you?! I’m here because I didn’t want to leave you alone in a dark place, but you’re gonna joke around like this to try and.. what? Scare me into leaving?  _ Me? _ ” He scoffs. “Well, one way or another, you got your wish. Goodnight.” His tone is clipped as he quickly makes for the door, heart pounding in his chest. The loud heartbeats in his ears somehow mask the footsteps behind him, and before he can react, his wrists are grabbed and he’s turned and pushed face first into the wall, wrists pinned above him in one of Erwin’s larger hands.

Erwin’s body is behind him again. Above him.. around him... He’s engulfed. Levi struggles in his grasp for a wild moment, but he stills as Erwin’s other hand sneaks its way into Levi’s loose sweatpants. He finds Levi’s cock, wraps his hand around it, and effectively forces Levi into restraint.

“You don’t believe me after everything I’ve just told you… do I need to prove it?”

Prove what? That Erwin wants him or that he’s a monster? ..Or both?

Levi can’t answer. He can’t speak, can’t move. This Erwin is somewhat terrifying, he can finally admit to himself. But if he’s being truly honest.. his racing heart is due, in part, to excitement as well. To his chagrin, he feels himself growing hard as Erwin begins to lightly stroke him.

“Levi..” Erwin croons in his ear. “Isn’t there a part of you that wants this?” He thumbs over the head of Levi’s cock, drawing a barely-restrained whimper from the man in his hold. “Admit you like this.” There’s an underlying desperate quality to Erwin’s voice that could be picked out by someone who knows him well enough.

Levi’s head hangs forward. His lips slightly part as Erwin continues stroking him. He can’t answer. He can’t think clearly. Does he want this? He’s never thought about it. He’s never been with anyone, never been inclined to. Sure, objectively, it would be impossible not to notice that Erwin Smith is a devastatingly handsome man. Objectively. Right? 

He’s admired Erwin for his ability to do whatever he must to get what he wants. Isn’t this the same? Erwin is just taking what he wants, right? To be the object of that want, though.. the thought makes Levi’s dick twitch in Erwin’s grasp. 

He should feel humiliated being put into this position... but it’s Erwin. Erwin is all that he has left. Erwin is everything. And Erwin wants  _ him _ .

Erwin’s hand quickens its pace, and Levi grunts at the pleasure starting to envelope him. His brows are knit as he wars with himself in some last ditch attempt to convince himself that he  _ doesn’t  _ like this. He finally manages to wrench one of his hands free. He grabs at the arm wrapped around him, but he wavers, and Erwin must know he’s won because he doesn’t try to reclaim that hand.

He’s losing himself in the feeling. The friction. The heat of Erwin’s body against his. The sound of Erwin’s voice whispering soft encouragements. And it’s  _ hot _ . The flame takes root and it spreads through him and he’s burning  _ up _ along with his last shred of denial. Yes, there is a part of him that wants Erwin Smith.

He gives into the pleasure, letting out a soft broken sob as his cum spurts all over Erwin’s fingers. Finished, he slumps back into Erwin’s hold.

Before he’s recovered, Erwin suddenly releases him, letting him drop to the ground. Levi barely manages to catch himself on his shaking hands and knees.

Levi stares at the floorboards as the reality of what just happened hits him. In shock, he doesn’t pay much mind to Erwin walking around somewhere behind him until a shadow falls over him. Levi tilts his head back to look at Erwin. The man stands over him, just watching him. Erwin’s removed his shirt, exposing his chest which Levi’s just now noticing is broad and chiselled. But he can’t dwell on it. Levi’s eyes immediately fall to Erwin’s hand, which is wrapped around his own cock now. Slowly, Levi’s eyes widen as he takes in the size of it. He can tell it is long by just how much is sticking out of his unzipped pants. However, the sheer girth is what makes Levi truly pale. That, and the realization of where Erwin wants to put that thing. He’s 100% sure that it won’t fit. Even the largest shit he’s ever shat couldn’t compare.

“Tell me, Levi…” Erwin suddenly speaks as he shamelessly gives himself a couple of lazy strokes. “Have you ever been fucked?”

The phrase sends an odd pulse of arousal down through Levi to the pit of his belly. The answer should be obvious. No, he’s never been fucked. Most men would never even consider the possibility of ever being fucked, Levi among them. But, fuck, how badly he suddenly wants to be, despite the overlapping fear that comes with the idea. 

“Answer me.” Erwin commands when Levi doesn’t immediately answer.

“N-no. Of course not.” Levi chokes out, managing to sound somewhat offended instead of frightened, he hopes. “I’m not a pervert,” he adds without thought. 

And ohh he shouldn’t have said that. Erwin’s eyes narrow down at him and he advances on him, too quick for Levi to react in time. 

Erwin is on him, pinning his chest to the floor and taking Levi’s wrists in his hold once more. “I’m a pervert? Which one of us just came with a man’s hand wrapped around their cock, hm?” He snakes his hand under Levi and into his pants. Levi flinches as the hand wraps around his cock, gathering the cum there to make his point. 

Yes, Levi is sharply aware that he is a pervert too for how much he enjoyed what had happened, but that doesn’t mean he wants to take it further.

It seems Erwin has other ideas. His hand reaches further, past Levi’s balls, down until that cum-covered finger finds his hole. Levi stiffens at the contact. He’s not sure he’s  _ ever _ been touched there and it’s  _ weird _ . “ _ Wait! _ ” He’s straining in Erwin’s hold, attempting to knock him off. He fails to free himself, but Erwin’s finger retreats and Levi calms down momentarily.

“Levi, do you trust me?” 

Erwin sounds sincere as he asks, which makes it all the more absurd a question given their current position. What causes conflict to play across Levi’s face as he peers back at Erwin, however, is the fact that the answer  _ should _ be yes. He trusts Erwin with his life. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. All soldiers are prepared to die for humanity, for Erwin’s goals, ultimately. And Levi is no exception. It’s more that he trusts Erwin to not let him die without meaning. He trusts his judgment. He trusts Erwin not to betray him. But this…

This is a betrayal, isn’t it?

Erwin must read the pain growing in Levi’s eyes, because it begins to reflect in his own. His eyes have been cold all night, but spurts of pain and doubt flicker in them as he hovers over Levi.

If Levi had to guess what was going on in that complicated mind, he’d say there’s a man telling himself it would be easier to just become a monster. To stop caring. To just take what he wants and devour it all in the way that titans do. He’s a man on the brink, ready to throw it all away, but a part of him still holds on. Begs not to. It’s all in his eyes.

For the first time that night, Levi recognizes Erwin. Part of his fear slips away. Levi had to admit he  _ did  _ enjoy getting manhandled and jerked off, after all. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, being fucked. Especially if it is by Erwin.  _ Only _ if it is by Erwin. He makes up his mind. It can’t be a betrayal if Levi allows this, he reasons.

He meets Erwin’s eyes with resolve. “Erwin..it’s fine.” Levi takes the choice away from him. “If it’s power over me you want, you have it. If it’s my body, it’s yours. My heart.. I offered it up to you long before today. Whatever you need, I will give. I won’t let you lose yourself.”

Erwin’s mouth has fallen slightly open through Levi’s declaration. His grip on Levi’s wrists loosens.

“Why can’t you condemn me?” he whispers.

“ _ Condemn _ you? You do too much of that to yourself.” Levi huffs in frustration. “I’ve told you.. You’re not a monster. Stop trying so hard to be something you’re not.”

Erwin sits back on his haunches, head falling to stare at the ground in defeat. “We can stop..” Guilt laces the quiet words.

“Don’t start that. I said it’s fine. Finish what you started,” Levi growls up at him.

Because Erwin got him all worked up, dug up his latent homosexualily, got him curious… excited him even. He wants to know what it’s like to be fucked. He wants Erwin to fuck him. Another shiver goes through him at the thought. He’s heard the word “fuck” so many times in his life, but never has it elicited this sort of visceral response from his body before it was uttered to him by Erwin Smith in this context. He wants to say it.

“Fuck me.”

Levi’s face heats up, and he can’t meet Erwin’s gaze after he says it. Because he looks away, he misses the moment Erwin makes up his mind. All he feels is sure and steady hands dragging his pants down over his hips. His backside is exposed to the chilly air, causing him to shiver. Expecting the worst, he braces himself for pain that doesn’t come. Instead, Levi nearly jumps in shock as that chill is replaced with a warm breath fanning over him. Large hands part his cheeks and suddenly something wet touches him and he  _ does _ jump. 

“What the fuck?” His voice has gone up in pitch. He tries to pull away, but his hips are grabbed and held in place. He feels that slick tongue on him again and he begins to writhe in Erwin’s hold. That is  _ disgusting.  _ He will not allow it. 

“Erwin-“ he gasps as the muscle circles his hole despite his attempts to shake him off. “Stop it- that is- ah!-  _ So _ not sanitary.” It starts to press at his entrance and Levi has had enough. He throws his elbow back until it makes contact.  _ Hard _ . It works to dislodge Erwin’s mouth from his ass, but he sort of feels bad when he rises up on his arms to look back at Erwin, who is holding his cheek in his hand. “No.” Is all Levi can think to say as Erwin stares at him in mild shock.

Erwin’s eyes narrow at him. “Have it your way.” He sticks his fingers in his mouth as he pushes Levi’s chest back into the floor. His body covers Levi’s as he reclaims his wrists with his free hand and pins them to the floor. “I’m keeping these as a precaution though.”

Levi feels something new circling his entrance. Erwin’s finger is wet from his spit, but Levi soon comes to the conclusion that Erwin had been using his tongue as an act of kindness. His finger is much less forgiving as it prods at his hole.

Levi begins to wonder how this is possibly supposed to work when Erwin barely manages to get just the tip of his finger in. He can’t help the little moan that escapes him.

Erwin merely keeps his finger there. “How does that feel?”

Levi grunts. The best he could describe it is.. “Like I need to take a shit.” He hears a little huff of laughter behind him and some of the tension in the air seems to dissolve as they wait. 

“Good?” Erwin asks.

Levi considers the feeling. He wouldn’t quite say it’s good. It isn’t bad. The ring of muscle pulses rhythmically as it tries to push out the intrusion. It burns a little, but not in a bad way. Kind of in the way a really good shit kind of burns. He makes a noncommittal noise.

Erwin takes that as permission to move his finger. Initially, he only wiggles it back and forth in small motions, but as Levi begins to unclench some, he pushes the finger in just a bit further. It results in Levi’s ass tightening up once more, harder than before. It’s a vice grip and Erwin can’t move his finger at all. 

“Levi, you have to relax.”

“I’m  _ trying _ ” he grunts back at him.

Honestly, Levi is about ready to give up. If just the tip of Erwin’s finger is giving him this much trouble, there is no way he will be able to take that enormous horse cock Erwin is equipped with. 

He tries to relax his muscles through sheer willpower, but every time he manages it, his body tightens right back up reflexively a second later.

“Touch yourself,” Erwin commands, releasing one of Levi’s wrists.

Levi obeys, slipping his hand under himself and playing with the head of his cock. He’s a little surprised to find he’s already half hard from the stimulation to his ass. He’s distracted enough that he doesn’t notice his body loosening until Erwin is gently pulling his finger out of him.

He hears a quiet mutter behind him of, “This might be harder than I thought…”

Then that finger is back, and it’s wetter than before. 

“You did  _ not _ just do that.”

“Be quiet.”

Before Levi can ignore his command and tell him off for being a nasty fucker, he’s gasping as the finger is reinserted further than before. Erwin means business this time, gently moving his finger about, forcing the ring of muscle to stretch. Levi bears with it, distracting himself with his cock. But then Erwin touches something in him that can’t be ignored, and he jolts, crying out in shocked pleasure.

“You like that?” Erwin asks, repeating the movement. 

Levi squirms in response, whining a low “yesss.”

“I thought you would.” The bastard’s tone is smug.

Erwin repeatedly presses on that spot, his finger gliding in and out more smoothly, now. He increases his rhythm. 

“You’re become so soft for me, Levi.”

Levi can only whine wordlessly. He feels like he’s under attack. His orgasm soaring just out of reach.

But then Erwin changes tactics. He has much… larger goals to obtain. He ceases his teasing of Levi’s prostate and carefully adds a second finger. Levi groans at the return of the stretching.

It’s a slow endeavor. Levi’s only just become used to two, when Erwin adds a third finger. It’s so much more than before and Levi is about ready to beg for Erwin to let him cum and end it. He could blow him in return. He just doesn’t think he can handle much more.

Erwin fucks him with three fingers for a bit, coming close to that sweet spot, but neglecting it in favor of stretching. Levi doesn’t understand why he’s being denied. He’s been on the verge of cumming for several minutes now and he thinks he might actually cry in frustration. Despite his dignity, Levi finds himself whimpering as his mouth betrays him. 

“ _ Please _ ,” he begs. 

“Please, what?” Erwin plays dumb.

“Just let me cum.” He’s slightly irritated.

“You’ll cum on my cock when you’re ready.” 

Levi whines in despair. In one last attempt of persuasion, he whines in a quiet whisper, “ _ Please, Erwin.” _

Erwin groans and pulls his fingers out. He grasps Levi’s hip and pulls his pelvis up, forcing his ass higher. “Unfortunately for you, I am just as impatient for this.” 

Levi feels the wet head of Erwin’s cock pressing into his hole. His heart begins to race as it begins forcing its way in. It feels even bigger than it looked. Three fingers was nothing. Levi grunts as his rim is stretched impossibly wide. 

A couple of inches in, Erwin stops. Levi is shaking and panting as Erwin lowers his body closer over his. He wipes at Levi’s face and it’s only after his hand comes away wet that Levi realizes he’s got tears streaking down his face.

“Do I need to stop?” Erwin asks in a serious, tender tone.

Levi doesn’t trust his voice, so he just shakes his head. 

“I’ll wait.” Erwin assures.

And he does. He doesn’t move an inch until Levi’s shaking has stopped and his rim has accustomed to his size. Then he slowly inserts more of himself into Levi. Inch by inch, he buries himself in the smaller man, watchful for any signs of distress.

Levi feels like he is being split in two. He’d been hanging on the edge of pleasure for so long, the pain is such a contrast. Levi would be lying if he said he hated it. He’s never felt so full before. Or so at mercy. He’s given his complete trust to Erwin in this moment not to rip him apart. 

And Erwin is taking great care not to. Despite their nearly impossible size difference, he’s managed to fit almost all of himself inside of Levi without injuring him. There’s a little of him left to go in, but Erwin meets a resistance deep inside of Levi, so he stops.

Levi’s tight channel wavers and ripples, trying to push out the foreign entity. Erwin does his best to hold still, but it’s too much. He pulls out a mere inch and pushes back inside in a shallow thrust. Levi surprises both of them by crying out and cumming just like that. His hot insides spasm, threatening to make Erwin come as well, but he holds out.

“Good, Levi…” Erwin praises him through the end of his orgasm. “..but I haven’t even fucked you yet.” 

Levi isn’t prepared for what comes next. He’s not recovered yet, and everything is so sensitive. Erwin pulls nearly all the way out and back in a test thrust that lets Levi’s sensitized insides feel the drag of every vein, and then he repeats the action quicker. He keeps doing it again and again, harder each time.

And finally, Levi understands what it means to be fucked. To be plowed into the floor by a heavy body above you. He can’t help the noises coming out of his throat. Erwin has to wrap his hand around it and rasp a breathy reminder that there are people sleeping just down the hall.

The hand lingers there, a threat, should Levi raise his voice again. And it’s so fucking erotic.The force of Erwin’s hips pushes Levi down flat against the floorboards. Each thrust spreads Levi’s insides, and he can feel something building up inside of him. It’s intense, more powerful than anything he’s ever felt. His muscles clench tighter and tighter and he fights to control his ragged breathing as the pace increases in violence. Erwin’s breathing is harsh right above his ear. Levi focuses on that sound, and he’s caught off guard by the way his muscles suddenly seize up, clenching before releasing in long drawn-out waves of bliss. His broken sob is choked off by the hand around his throat. It only makes him cum harder to the point of blacking out.

Erwin muffles his grunts into Levi’s shoulder as he’s pulled into sharing that bliss. His hips lose their rhythm. His cock moves frantically within those rippling walls until he thrusts one last time, as deep as possible and spills inside of Levi. It comes in spurts, filling Levi up and claiming him as Erwin’s until there is none left.

After a moment, Levi slowly comes back to himself as he feels Erwin rise up off of him. He doesn’t have the energy to move, so he doesn’t bother. He lays there, a mess on the floor, with his eyes shut. His breathing eventually evens out as he becomes aware of the feeling of cum sliding out if his used hole. Along with that is the way every inch of his body tingles in the aftermath of what they just did. 

When he finally opens his eyes, he turns his face up to see Erwin leaning on the edge of his desk, pants pulled back up, just staring down at him with wicked satisfaction.

“You look good like that.” Erwin says when he notices Levi looking at him. “Almost as good as you look flying through the air.”

Levi scoffs and finally finds the energy to turn over and push himself up to sit leaning against the wall. He winces at the pressure it puts on his sensitive ass.

“Are you ok?” Concern laces Erwin’s voice as he pushes away from the desk. He reaches his hand out for Levi, but the man smacks it away.

“I’m fine.” Levi claims, but he won’t look Erwin in the eye. 

Erwin may like seeing him like this, but Levi doesn’t like looking vulnerable or weak, something Erwin makes him feel in increasing ways the more he knows him.

Erwin tsks at him and and stoops down, scoopingLevi into his arms despite his protests. Levi fights to get free all the way to the sofa where Erwin deposits him a little less gently than he’d originally intended before Levi had started being a brat about it.

“Wait here,” Erwin commands, as he walks through the doorway to his private quarters.

Levi almost feels recovered enough to make a quick exit while Erwin isn’t looking, but then the man is already coming back. Levi stiffens, wary, as Erwin kneels down in front of him. Surely there isn’t anything else Erwin could want to do to him in such a short span of time.. He doesn’t think his body can handle anything else right now.

Then he sees the wet cloth in Erwin’s hand as he prods at Levi’s knees, prompting him to spread his legs. After a slight hesitation, Levi allows himself to be spread. He glares at the way Erwin stares smugly at his hole for a moment, before he starts gently wiping at the cum on Levi’s thighs.

When the cloth reaches his hole, Levi inhales, hips involuntarily bucking. He’s still so sensitive. It doesn’t necessarily hurt. It’s borderline pleasurable, but it’s almost too much. 

“I’m sorry.” Erwin whispers. 

Levi wonders how much Erwin is apologizing for as the man dutifully wipes away the mess he made with a serious expression. 

“Don’t be.” Levi answers. He doesn’t regret it, so Erwin shouldn’t either. But he can tell it’s still bothering the man as Erwin continues wiping him down, probably longer than necessary. It’s intimate, and makes Levi feel awkward. But he doesn’t protest any more, for once, letting Erwin do what he wants without any complaint. 

The longer they sit in silence, the more uncomfortable it gets. Erwin’s cleaned him up sufficiently, yet his hands linger on Levi’s body. Trailing over him in a way not entirely sexual. It’s more like he’s categorizing the marks he’s left on his skin. Levi watches the crease between Erwin’s brow grow deeper and deeper until he traces his hand over the bruises forming on Levi’s wrist. A deep sadness fills his eyes, and he looks the most sober Levi has seen him all night.

“I never  _ ever _ planned to take you this way.” His voice is filled with regret. Levi watches as his head lowers until he’s bowed over him in shame.

Their coupling hadn’t been easy. Levi wonders if, given time, their relationship would have progressed to this point more naturally. If Levi had come to terms with his sexuality beforehand, would he have even fought this at all? How would things have gone in another life, where Erwin wasn’t a man constantly being pushed to the brink of insanity?

None of that matters, because it happened. But Levi had already made the decision not to let Erwin take full responsibility for this the way he’s always taking responsibility for other things which are beyond his control.

Levi’s hand comes up to gently comb through Erwin’s hair, as if to comfort. But then he grabs a handful of that golden hair and pulls the fool’s head up to look him in the eye. 

“Stop that,” he growls. “I didn’t give myself to you so that you could go saying shit like you ‘took’ me against my will.” Erwin tries to protest, but Levi cuts him off. “Maybe I  _ should _ care more about your methods of proving it, but you were right. I want you too.” 

Erwin shakes his head. “It wasn’t right...”

Levi sighs. “No, it wasn’t,” he agrees. “But it doesn’t matter now. You got what you wanted, and I’m not complaining. So leave it be.”

“What do  _ you _ want, Levi?”

Levi takes a moment to decide. Then he leans forward and awkwardly pushes their lips together. Erwin’s caught by surprise and doesn’t react fast enough before Levi’s pulling back to say, “I want to do this. We should have done this first, but now is good too.”

Erwin’s face is full of disbelief, but he opens his mouth this time as Levi leans back in. They kiss exploratively at first, tasting each other and playing with their tongues. Erwin’s relief brings him back to life.

It’s like a dark cloud has disappeared from over Erwin. His troubles slip away as he loses himself in a simple kiss. Amazing how it does more for him than the rough fucking had done to make him feel human. But he had been right.. Levi was what he needed.

Without breaking apart, Erwin slowly shifts until he can rise to stand, taking Levi with him. He puts his hands under Levi’s thighs and pulls them around his waist to keep their heads at the same level to continue their kiss. But when Erwin starts walking them to his bedroom, Levi breaks away. 

“You are  _ not _ fucking me again tonight.” He says sternly, jabbing a finger into his chest.

“As you wish,” Erwin relents with humor in his voice. “But I’m still keeping you tonight,” he informs Levi, opening the door.

“And the next.” He places another kiss on Levi’s lips before lowering him onto the bed.

“..And the next.” He kisses down the side of his neck as if to erase the light bruising there, before moving further down to tongue at a nipple.

Levi arches into the feeling, getting hard again despite how spent he feels. “Maybe I should just bring my stuff here, then,” he says, half-joking, half-asking.

Erwin pauses to look up at him. A small smile graces his lips. “I’d like that... Stay with me, Levi.” He leans closer to whisper in his ear. “And maybe one day, you’ll trust me enough to let me fuck you again.” 

A rare smile forms on Levi’s lips as he finally knows the truth of his next words.

“I trust you.”

Levi hopes that he can become, for Erwin, what Erwin has created for him: An oasis in this world of chaos.. someone to hold him together when it feels like everything is falling apart.

**Author's Note:**

> I should probably make it clear that I do not think this interaction is realistic, and I do not condone this kind of thing in real life. Levi takes this all way too well, probably because of the kind of world they live in. He's way too forgiving, probably because he loves Erwin. One realistic thing to say about the way he reacts is that some of what he thinks/says is him rationalizing what's happening and trying to cope. 
> 
> Why do I like making Erwin do bad things when he's out of his mind? Because he feels so much guilt in his life, at least give him something to actually be guilty of, amirite? Idk I'm gonna stop rambling and go to sleep. Thank you for reading!


End file.
